Leave The Grudges

6 min readOct 18, 2020

Have you observed the internal disturbances you face when somebody attacks with hard words? How long you will curse yourself and shed tears? It is human nature when your nearest or dearest speaks or behaves in a manner that is not pleasant to you. It may or may not be appropriate but take it as an event. Events are events, whether it is bad or good. It is your duty to respond to it in an adequate manner so that the outcome is always in your favor. Your forgiveness is an altruistic gift, let the right person earn it.

Imagine the situation when your nearest relative has died and everybody is mourning. If you are continuously remembering and shading tears, will it make any difference? The person who has left for heavenly abode will never come back. In the same way, the event once happen is never going to be repeated in the same manner. You may ask, the same person is again insulting? Yes, treat this as another death and mourn for the minimum possible time and make it out of sight. RIP! Hear you should mean, Realise Importance of Positivity or Raise the Importance of Person. Delete the words from the dictionary of your mind and replace the words with transformational vocabulary. The harsher the words better the replacement by exceptional better words. It is not easy initially but your mind is reconditioned with repetition. Still, it is difficult, write down the unexpected words spoken and list out exactly opposite words in front of the listed words and repeat in a manner that you had employed during your elementary school classes. Consider what is good for you, if the quest for justice seems right, forget whether the offender deserves it or not.

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Think of the person as your eye opener and list out the top five good virtues that you may recollect from the past. Without these virtues, you must have not hitherto continued the relationship. Again, make sure that the person is in your important list of top 20 and if not, you have to converse with him or her with hi hello mode of operation but after burying the subject grudges. It is for sure if you have stamped in your mind the present insult, you are going to miss out on the five good virtues the person is decorated with. Attack repeatedly on insulting words with five virtues and you will succeed.

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See the other person with a new eye. Put the legs in his or her shoes and feel. Consider the situation under which the person uttered the word that you did not like. He or she may be in anger, tiredness, insult, or past unhappy experience on which you have not given a second thought for introspection. Think of yourself in his or her place for the same situation and evaluate the event. A child who was making noises in the corridor was disturbing everybody and one gentleman scolded the lady attending the child told to control the behavior. But the lady told something to present the audience and everybody accepted the nuisance of a child. In fact, the mother of a little child was in her last stage of cancer and she was under operation. Now most of them gave some toys or eatables. Mass was unaware of the situation and therefore they reacted in an inadequate manner. In the same way, understand the mentality which was responsible for the insult made to you.

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Once you have decided to reach a new understanding, of course gradually and in a hard way, purposefully, bear in mind that emotions are real. Our past shapes us and teaches us life lessons. We orient toward the future. But our experience of life is and always will be the present. And the present is made up of emotions. The way we feel at any given time represents our existence in its purest form. Most of the time we are driven by emotion, our attempts to make sense of what we feel and have felt and have seen in others. We can accept our feelings or try to intellectualize or alter or suppress them, but we can’t escape them.

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When you have a bad experience, the pain neurons are stronger than your happiness neurons in the mind. Replace your unwanted kind of neurons with happiness neurons with a good association of words that you had listed just now. Just like the experiment of Psychologist Pavlov on the dog, the generalisation of behavior patterns is conditioned and after certain repetition, the happy neurons are henceforth winning over the pain neurons and ultimately your mind is refreshed.

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When you were almost in tears, you can remember the occasions of emotional happy moments in which you were facilitated to be very happy and exiting in the past with an insulting people. The past emotions may be so stronger that present tears of pain may be replaced with that happiness giving tears of past. Collections of those grateful experiences may make your relationship much stronger than the existing relationship. So, break the ice and immediately convey your best feelings of past to the person and have a great new pleasure moment. You may think about why I have to change my mind as the problem was not on either side. Just think, somebody else will insult you tomorrow. People are habitual of insulting each other and it is everyday affairs. Instead of covering the whole land with leather, wear leather shoes, and protect your skin. If the opposite person is not improving his or her behavior, that is his or her problem but you have to improve yourself as a better human.

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Think differently for criticism and make it valuable. If you learn from your mistake you are a wise person, but if you learn from the mistake of others you are great. You can even learn from an event or a struggle situation. This is the shortest cut to improve your learning patterns. So, perceive the situation, change your attitude, be aware to avoid your time wastage, take action dramatically and look forward to your happiest life journey.

Take Away: Love strongly, hate wisely.

Courtesy for images: https://pixabay.com

Originally published at https://blog.internetlifestylehub.com on October 18, 2020.

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Former aircraft engineer IAF, Retired Branch Manager SBI, Psychologist, Best Selling Author & Defence Recruitment Trainer https://krgoswami.com