Deserve First And Do Not Blame Others

4 min readJan 3, 2021

“If you do not earn what you say you deserve, it is because you have not watered your roots. If you win $1, that’s all you can get. The universe will only give you what you can carry, if you program your files (learned from childhood) you will work miracles.”
Alan Maiccon

Photo by Mark Decile on Unsplash

Do you get upset when you do not get the what you desire? We definitely agree because we are very happy when our desire is fulfilled. In reverse case, think about the situation when your desire is not fulfilled. You are naturally disappointed.

In olden days there was a holy saint who used to preach villagers. One day a rich man came to him and told to give knowledge and wisdom at his home but saint did not agree. The rich man gave lot of inducement but saint did not change his mind. To teach him the lesson later on he agreed and went to his home. He had prepared the food and sweets and tried to offer him but bowl was very dirty and rich man told that as the bowl is torn and dirty everything will drip on the ground and whole purpose of taking food will be defeated. The saint explained politely comparing the bowl to rich man. If you are not in a good receiving mode, I cannot preach you. You have to deserve first than desire. The rich man understood and touched the feet of saint and then later on visited frequently to him and gained the wisdom at the place where everybody used to take discourses.

Former or Survivor

In day to day life also people will give you benefits after judging the worthiness. During my service in bank once I came across an old aged customer. He wanted to deposit 10 lac rupees in fixed deposit. I advised him to add the second name as his age was 87 years. He agreed but with a condition that my son should not get this amount only after his death. In banking language, the term is better known as mode of operation ‘former or survivor’. To make myself clear I requested him to why he wanted to do so. He expressed his feeling, “If the money is kept on his name, I will be lying in one corner and nobody will ask for food also, and if I have a money in my hand, all will deliberately care for me!”

Photo by SJ Objio on Unsplash

Blaming others is easy

There is a famous term called defense mechanism in psychology. It is consciously or unconsciously used to defend oneself from being blamed or being victims of the outcome. It is very old story of fox who was trying to eat the grapes from a tree but after so many efforts when it did not reach to grab the fruit, it said, “Grapes are sour!” In fact, it is the satisfaction to ego and relief from the anxiety.

I have seen people rationalizing when they sometimes fail in their tasks allotted to them. Most of the time they are not sincere to accept their fault. The daughter of the great psychologist Sigmund Freud, Anna Freud proposed rationalization as less threatening that shows conscious level of excuses and the person is quite prepared to believe own lies. When a person finds a situation difficult to accept, they will make up a logical reason why it has happened. For example, a person may explain a natural disaster as ‘God’s will’.

Dale Carnegie said in his book ‘How to make friends and influence people that “Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn — and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.

Responsibility for failure and credit for success

There are very few people who normally take the responsibility for failure and take the credit for success. Dr. APJ Kalam, our beloved all-time deserving president edified Dr. Satish Dhavan, chairman of ISRO as his motivator and said in his biography ‘My life’ that Satish Dhavan had a significant quality of leadership: he was sharing credit for success, taking responsibility for failure. When launching project failed he took the responsibility but when project was successful he gave credit to Dr. Kalam.

The team of Abdul Kalam knew that there is a leakage in the fuel of the system, but they hoped that the leakage is negligible, and they thought there was enough fuel in the system. This miscalculation lead to the failure. Satish Dhawan being the chairman at the time, called Abdul Kalam and conveyed to press “We failed!

This miscalculation lead to the failure. Satish Dhawan being the chairman at the time, called Abdul Kalam and conveyed to press “We failed! But I have a very good trust in my team that next time we will be succeeding for sure”. This surprised Abdul Kalam as the blame of the failure was taken by the chairman of ISRO.

Key Takeaways

1. The Great men who truly deserved the status and honor, the world accorded to them.

2. If you do not respect others, you do not deserve the same.

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Former aircraft engineer IAF, Retired Branch Manager SBI, Psychologist, Best Selling Author & Armed Forces Recruitment Trainer